This is not really like me lah... For those who know me better...

THE TAURUS MAN - An excerpt from a website


A quiet simple man who can do something unexpected to shock you. Taurus man
mostly medium tall, strong with good health, good strong body. When he
talks, he likes to turn his head to one side on one direction. His body will
be quite straight, facial structure tend to be square shape more than other
shape. His eyes sparkle with liveliness.

Even when he is in love, he is still a free wild bird. He is a sand in your
palm, the more you want to hold it, it will slip out. If you stand and hold
it still, it will stay that way. Don't set the rules and draw a line for
him, he will not stay.

When you are with him, he will think only of you. But an hour later he could
change his mind. He is very patient with other people, but very impatient
with himself. His world always turning and it will not stop just because he
loves you. If he up sets, he will show it right away. If something has gone
wrong, he will blame his own carelessness instead of blaming other people.

He sincere to his friends even to some friends he does not like. He likes to
do odd things and surprise other people. He could be fully dress in a nice
suit and jump in the pool. He could slap your back so hard just to make you
turn around to see he has flowers in his hand. He never want to get too
close with anyone for he thinks living in reality is living by yourself.

He does not care what people think when he behave weird. He could be walking
bare feet and laughing at people who laugh at him and think they are so
narrow minded. He does not likes to follow conformity, but always want to
search for new ventures, new mystery. He will interest in a life of a
millionaire as much as a life of an old man selling newspaper on a sidewalk
vendor.

He like to search and analyze people and things. He will analyze his friends
or his girl friend, and once the mystery is gone, he will search for new
puzzle to solve. He can not easily understand thing, so he will gradually
learning about you till he fills up all his questions.

He knows so many people ,but he has a few friends. He looks for quality
friends than quantity friends. He will be close with some friends shortly
and move on. He always feel lonely even surround by many people. He could
create his own little world, and sometimes no one would understand him. He
looks only for future and he thinks he lives for the future. He may wonder
how many people think like he does, but he does not want to be like the
others.

A man with a conflict personality. He is a cool, understanding, able to work
well, and very artistic. Taurus man could be an artist. He could shock you
as much as he is able to clam you down when you up set. He is a free spirit
who likes venture, but when he wants to be alone, do not touch him but to
let him be. He won't disappear from the crowds too long, he will be back.

He will give you straight forward opinion or comments, but will never advice
what he thinks you should do. He does not like people to tell him what he
should do too. He thinks each individual dreams and thoughts should be very
private. He will use his brain not his body strength, so he will let other
guys compete. He has a certain satisfactory in life and hate to force
himself in competition. He may seems careless, but actually he is a thinker
and a stubborn one.

He sees anythings in details and not easily trusted people till he thinks he
knows them well. You can just smile and he will think why and what are you
smiling about, and if you are pretending. Once he trust you and accept you
as a friend, no one can says other wise to change that for he will not
listen to gossip. He will be honest and sincere to his friends.

He hates lies, so he will not tell you lies. If he finds it is necessary to
lie, he will find other ways not to tell you or avoid telling you anything.
If he really has to lie, you will never be able to tell that he is lying. He
can really keep secrets, so you will hardly know that he is a lonely soul.

If you want this kind of guy, you have to be an interesting person. He has
to be curious about you. Hell for him is "No Freedom", so if he marry you
then you should know it is the biggest decision in his life. Always be
interesting, then you could have him beside you.

My role, my duty.... Where is my rose?... I only see thorns...

"A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom and also the thorns. And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?" Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died. "

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential. Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them.
One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns and find the rose within others. This is the characteristic of love, to look at a person, and knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in his soul, and help him realize that he can overcome his faults.
If we show him the rose, he will conquer the thorns. Then will he blossom, blooming forth thirty, sixty, a hundred fold as it is given to him.
Our duty in this world is to help others by showing them their roses and not their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love we should feel for each other; only then can we bloom in our own garden.

Adapted from : Chicken Soup for the Soul

Something I must learn.....

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as they would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.

Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.

Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.Y

esterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a gift:

that's why we call it The Present

Book Author : Nancy Sims

Moving Further Away

The projects had taken a severe toll on me...

I'm no longer who I used to be.... I'm merely a shadow of my former self now...

I tried... I did try my best in my work... but.. at what price...

I've made people irritated at me... I've made some dislike me even... I strained my friendship with my best friend so severely.... oh God... help me..

I just cant help but wonder why... my envy and jealousy is so strong... it's... killing me... I dont want to be just an average person... why must I fall into the average categary...
I... want... to.. shine....

I want to be a role model, a person that people can look up to, a person who has many friends, a person who can comfort people knowing that people can comfort him if he is down..

I want to be the winner, a person that people will marvel upon his achivements, and at his final hour, turn back, and know that his life is not wasted...

I want to be the friend, the comforter whom people can rely on, the loyal whom people can trust, and the optimist, whom people will look forward to...

I want to be me... The unique person whom people will always remember, who impacts the lives of people and is treasured...

Why cant I be that? I dont need to be smart, I dont need to be intelligent... But I want something that people can praise me about... I want something that I can confidently tell others that it is from my uniqueness....

Does God make everybody equal?... I really dont think so... but then... why must He shape my life with a rusty knife on a jagged rock?....

I just coughed some blood... I think I'm going to die...

I dont want to lose my best friend... I dont want to lose my friends...

Thrown down from the high pedestal, I've fallen a long way... My heart hurts alot...
In my entire life, almost everybody I looked up too is older then me somehow...

But I've never ever looked up more to anybody else then to Timothy in this life... And everytime I look upon his achivement.. a mix feeling rises... A feeling of intense pride, intense jealousy, intense envy and intense helplessnes...

His life is so perfect... God loves him...
My life is a miserable slum... Does God love me?....

I'm going insane... I'm already suffering from major depression.... I dunno how long I will stay down... but the pain is beyond description...
I'd rather be stabbed hundred times then to endure constant self loathing and self degradation...

My words hurt me more then my actions... I'm so afraid that one day I might take the plunge...

I'm so useless... I'm so so useless...

All I have is my experiance on the streets... and even that took a price...

I've never felt such pain so consistantly... But I refuse to take any anti-depression pills already... it does not help anyway...

I got 75 for DTP - Big deal
I got 100 for DTP - Big deal

I got 74 for CC - Big deal
I got 55 for ICP - I could just go and die...
I got 79 for CD - Big deal
I got 87 for OC - Small deal

I completed my grade 8 examination - I can go and tear up my examination certificate...

I lost in every single thing in comparison to Timothy... except a few meagre marks in OC... tell me how I can not be jealous...

Our friendship grows strained... My heart aches and my mind is weary... What does it take to become like you...

You over came the biggest obstacle that I ever faced... and you achieved what I wanted to achieve...

My life seems more and more worthless....

God... please help me... please please please help me.... sobz... I really need you now... I deceived myself thinking I can be happy just acting as though I'm happy... but deep down i'm really really broken....
sobz...... save my friendship... save me..... please.....

I'd rather.....

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart....

Hmmm completed the front... 

My back page... even though i put in so much effort... i still think its very very very horrible... sobz sobz sobz